Christmas 2010

Christmas 2010 This holiday is nothing like I expected it to be. It has turned out to be like the chocolate I don't like, Bitter Sweet. Let's start with the Sweet. I have another Chanukah and Christmas with my Vo. I have three beautiful grandsons. I have made amends with my son and his wife. I have wonder pets, a beautiful place to live, a nice job and thankfully good health. Pretty good huh? I think so. In spite of these bounties there is a Bitter. I use the 25th as a marker. It marks the voids that have developed in my life. People may be gone but are never forgotten. People may choose to alienate themselves but they are remembered. Remembered not as they used to be but in a new light, a fuzzy, not clear picture. Can the picture be returned to it's original luster? I don't think so. It can be retouched though. The new picture can be photoshopped. The pettiness, the unforgiving attitude, the you, not me, is wrong perception can be cropped. So this day of happiness at the birth of Christ is bittersweet. I wish everyone the gift of seeing things as they really are, the gift of remembering exactly who you are in the whole scheme of things and the gift a Sweet Christmas!

What Christmas means to me!

Christmas evokes many memories in me. I remember some of my childhood Christmases. Some were pleasant and others downright terrible. I remember shopping for a tree on a cold, snowy afternoon at the farmer's market. What a great atmosphere that was. I remember sneaking downstairs early on Christmas morn to beat my siblings from going through my stocking. I remember my father throwing all our toys in the street because he got pissed off over something benign. I remember midnight Mass. I think some of the best memories were when my kids were young. I would stay up the night before putting everything together. Downstairs in the basement, I would sit with my headphones on listening to Supertramp, trying to make the parts fit together. Today Christmas is much like Scrooge's. I know the past. I can't control the future but I can shape it. So the Present is what I concentrate on. I want each remaining Christmas to be happy. I think it's this day and not Thanksgiving that I reflect the most on the past year and what I do have to be thankful.I think it brings more people together.

How Come?

The end of the year has arrived. It is now time for me to ponder some of life's great mysteries, well, at least to me. How come I talk so loud enough though I am not in the classroom anymore? Why don't dog owners hear their dogs howling and crying at night when everyone else does? Why do people drive like it is their last trip? Why after one person reaches out to another the other person doesn't extend their hand too? Why can't we pick our own relatives? We weren't able to pick our parents. How come there some nurses who can't stand the sight of their own blood? How come kids are so lucky? They have the coolest toys out now that I could be intrigued by. Why do we still pick our noses? How come I can't stand to touch cat and dog food? How come grandchildren seldom live next door? Why have I finally found the right Vo? How come pets love us so much without asking anything in return? How come children never realize how thin skinned parents are when it comes to comments from them? Why are all these things the way they are? Because that's life and in spite of them I still wake up everyday looking forward to the surprises, twists and turns, waiting for me!

A Poem For Vo!

Some wives like knives

Some wives use their charms

Other wives use firearms

My wife likes to play

Other wives like to slay

My wife likes it gory

But she's in a different category

She's fine like the wine

Because she makes me feel so fine.

The End!

A Big Fear

The other day I was driving in the big ocean called Interstate 95. There were fish of all kinds, sizes, and colors. We were all navigating along at different speeds. The one thing we had in common was a common fear. The fear that all helpless fish feel. When was that menacing shark going to appear and gobble up one of us? Some had devices to detect the shark. Some were helpless like me. All of the sudden it appeared behind me. Weaving in and out. Laying back in wait. Who was it going to get. I could see the apprehension in the other fish. I did see some fish swimming really fast past me. Could it be them? I stayed in the middle of the school for safety. I tried to be inconspicuous. It was coming ever so close and then it snagged it's prey. A helpless fish with a broken right fin was devoured by the shark. I was safe for now but I knew there was always danger in the ocean.

Dying and Dead

Black and white, that's how I used to look at everything. I still do for some things. Now I hope I see things things in shades of black and white. The absoluteness of things no longer exists. What once was steadfast and and unwavering, now blows in the breeze. Plans change, appointment times change, dinner plans change, the time of meeting a friend changes. Life is unpredictable and I have learned, sometimes the hard way, that I cannot be so rigid and no be open to change. Yes even a plane reservation can be changed. Will there be an inconvenience when we change? Absolutely! But look at the alternative. Some one's feeling will be hurt, toes stepped on and an unhappy outcome is assured. It seems that only someone dying or a funeral brings things to a halt. All of all sudden people find time in their busy, hectic, rigid schedules. Amazing! Well I try and hopefully you will try to to make more time for the breathing, living, loving people in your lives. I have found it almost impossible to talk to someone dying or dead. I do regret it.

Common Thread

Our kids grow up and have lives of their own. As they get older parents develop threads with their children. They are not here so the apron strings no longer work. It takes work and some creativity to do this. Is it worth the work? I think so. The alternative is unthinkable. Some children catch these threads and hang on. They, too, know the consequence of letting the thread break. Threads like eggs are not easily repaired.

Kids and Grandkids

I saw a commercial with an older couple at the airport rejoicing their frequent flier miles. Now they could visit their grandchildren. I don't know about you but I didn't connect these people. I have kids and grandkids. I love my kids and I love my grandkids. The kids came first. They are mine. I visit and talk to my kids because I am interested in them. Yes, I am interested in my grandkids but it's different. I would be happy to have air miles to visit my son or daughter not just my grandkids. I think it's sad that parents would rather see their grandchildren than their children. Skype and Face time are great inventions. What a great means to see someone not at home. The face of my grandkids give me joy. The face of my kids touches my soul. If you could my wife when she Skypes with her children. A million Chanukahs wrapped up in one moment. What a sight!

The Egg

I was thinking the other day how our lives are like a dozen eggs. Some people put all their eggs in one basket. Stay on only one course their entire life. Works for them. Others keep their eggs in that wonder invention called the egg carton. Protected from everyone and everything. Never doing or saying anything that could cause an egg to crack or break. Very sad. I, on the other hand, have seen many of my eggs break. The first one I broke taught me that once an egg is broken the pieces are impossible to put together. You know the yoke and egg white oozes. It's a real mess. I tried to be careful with my subsequent eggs. Unfortunately, being the indelicate person I can sometimes be, others have cracked too. Some of my eggs have broken through adventure and travel. Those demises have been worth the scramble. I will be more careful with my eggs but like the warranties I have, they won't outlive me.

It is what it is!

It seems a new expression has taken root in the lexicon of America, "It is what it is". I have heard this often recently. I have thought about it and realized that it is the only way to look at things. I am guilty of looking at things from my perspective. Unfortunately, my perspective is not always the right one or the true one. I admit I am jaded the way I look at some things. My wife is the most beautiful woman, I do live in the best place, the red sox and patriots are great teams. But now I am trying to see things more clearly. People are jaded too. A store clerk is just a store clerk not the manager. A student is just a student not the teacher. Some of my friends are just friends, nothing more. It's a whole new way of looking at things. It has made me more serene. I try not to overreact now. It is what it is. I can't make things the way I want them to be. I would like to but that now is totally unrealistic. I have to accept things as they are. I hope this works as well for you as it has for me. I know It is what it is can never be It is what I expect.

Moving on

I have heard many people say that they are moving on. Moving where? Well, some are moving on to new jobs, new places to live or with a relationship. The trick to moving on is first, taking a step back and honestly looking at the past. I have moved on to new jobs, a new place to live and new relationships. I looked back to see why I had a new job. What happened with the past one? The first conclusion is usually not the real one. A close, honest look at the cause of a new job is warranted. Fortunately, for me, I retired and I'm lucky enough to do something I love. The most important reason to look back is so that, hopefully, I won't make the same mistakes I made before. Tough for people to admit things that go wrong are their fault. It is much easier to blame someone or something else. I used to do that all the time when I was young and immature. I remember when a friend of my father game me the number of an

employer to call for a job. I never called and then lied to him. He knew the truth and called me out on it. I was embarrassed and never did that again. I know now that no one is perfect. We all screw up. Now I can say I made a mistake and be mature enough to do my best that it never happens again. I do live by a creed. I always try to think before I do something and never give someone an opportunity to criticize me. I can move on because I have looked back and the past doesn't look as bight as the future.

The Tree

I was thinking how similar I am to a tree. I was a sprout that took hold in my mother and I became a little plant. Green, I was indeed. My parents and my teachers nurtured me and I began to grow. Little by little my branches grew. Mine seem to grow a lot slower than my friends but I knew someday they would. I continued to branch out to new interests. I even had a few birds nest in my leaves. My buds were bursting to open. It was when I went to college that I really flowered. I really became a new tree. One with a new perspective. I could see all the other varieties of fauna and flower. I had grown taller and now could see over my neighborhood to the other parts of the city and beyond. I feel fortunate to have dropped a couple of seedlings that took root and became trees on their own. My annual rings were increasing and the repeated losing of my leaves and having my branches covered with frost, ice and snow were getting too much to endure. I decided like sea bean to drift and head to a warmer climate. My roots are firmly embedded here in Florida. I hope all trees have a wonderful life and that each annual ring brings a nice memory to them. All those rings when it's over amount to one beautiful log.

A Converstaion with Don Krzan

Q. Hi Don! Thanks for being here with us today.

A. Thanks for having me. I really didn't think anyone cared enough to interview me.

Q. Well I'm sure that's not true. We're here!

A. True, so I guess I'm not going to question why.

Q. So how's things going here in Florida?

A. Great. I have a beautiful place to live, a great job, great pets and a wonderful wife.

Q. Sounds pretty good. How's the marriage going?

A. You know the third time isn't the charm it's the second. Of course I lucked out.

Q. How so?

A. Well I have a wife with whom you can actually converse. She's a 10. She is intelligent, creative, and relentless in her pursuit of happiness.

Q. Wow, can it get better than that?

A. I don't think so.

Q. You didn't mention your family? Touchy subject?

A. Yeah, I guess so. you know the saying " You can pick your friends but not your family".

Q. We have heard that and you think it's true?

A. Most definitely. I have had many good friends in my life. They were chosen by me. Some I've kept and others have fallen by the wayside. But family, they're different. They have that emotional component only found in DNA. Especially our children. I think the hardest part of getting older is separation from our kids. The saying these days is that you're loyal to whomever you sleep with.

Q. Do you believe that?

A. Unfortunately, I do. Lea and I do not speak to many of our family members. There are others with whom we have a strained relationship .

Q. Sorry to hear that. Must be painful for you to even talk about it.

A. It is.

Q.Okay. We hear you have a blog.

A. Yes, I do. my wife started one and i got the bug. I always to write and now I'm doing it.

Q. Where can it be seen?

A. It's on the net, on my Facebook page. Not many people read it but I didn't write it for that primarily. I wrote it to share some of the things I have learned, some the hard way, along the way.

Q Would you like your kids to read it?

A. Sure! I don't think they know me anymore and maybe by reading it they could rediscover who I've become. Maybe someday.

Q. Ok we're going to end the interview with those questions at the end of Inside the Actor's Studio.

A. Cool!! I always to answer those. one of my favorite shows because you see the actors in a relaxed situation.

Q. Ready?

A. Fire Away!

Q.Your Favorite word?

A. Vo

Q. Least favorite?

A. I can't. I know it's two but cut me some slack. I'm nervous.

Q. What turns you on?

A. Honesty and affection.

Q.Turns you off?

A. Indifference

Q.Favorite curse word?

A. Fuck!

Q.Sound you love?

A. A child laughing

Q.Sound you hate?

A. A child crying

Q.What profession would you like to attempt?

A. Actor or singer, or singing actor

Q.Profession not to do?

A.Prison Guard

Q. What would God say to you?

A. Hey Don! Not a perfect life but Pretty Pretty Good!!!

Q. Great! Thanks Don for giving us tis time. We've enjoyed and we hope you have too?

A. It's been great to have this opportunity. I have enjoyed it and maybe we can do this with Lea sometime.

Q. That would be something we would consider. Don, Take care and continue to enjoy your life in Florida.

A. Thanks! I intent to make the most of it. Bye!

Sorry!

Sorry! One of the most often said words in any language. Is is meant? Sometimes people are truly sorry for words, deeds, and transgressions. Easily uttered, extremely hard to mean. I have often said that I was "Sorry". I mean it more sincerely now than when I was younger and less introspective. I know that "Sorry" means that one will not try to do the same misspeak, bad action, misdeed or anything that offends somebody. To say "Sorry" and continue with the same behavior negates any sincere regret. If I'm Sorry I now know it means that I won't repeat the reason I said it in the first place. When I say it now I think I mean it and I do sincerely try to see that it doesn't happen again. Mixing laundries will not happen again. being careless with other people's thing will not happen, being thoughtless will not conscientiously happen again, excluding people from events and gathering will not happen. You have to make an effort not to uttter insincere words but make them mean something. I haven't always done this but I'm working on it.

Energy

Energy is an interesting thing. It can be used, abused, saved, shared, and exhausted. I like people with their own energy. It is readily apparent who has their own just from a few moments with them. I always tend to shun people with negative energy. They drain my energy to replenish the energy they wish they had. I always tend to be with people who exhibit energy because then we can share our energies and complement each other. I have, of course, been faked out a few times. People whom I thought had energy, did not. First impressions are very important only if they last through subsequent meetings. These people did not continue to have their own energy. It was just a ploy to get close to suck my energy away.

The energy that put into everything I do is usually one hundred percent. There are things that I particularly don't embrace totally but I still try to give a sincere effort. The energy that I give to relationships is always one hundred percent. The relationship with my wife, my children, my grandchildren, my coworkers and my friends is always hopefully a transfer of positive energy. When the energy is not returned and completely one-sided a serious problem rears it's ugly head. My energy begins to lessen and extinguish. The realization sets in that no matter how much of my energy I give none will ever be returned. The point comes when I'm done. Nothing I can do or say will make the energy be reciprocated. I am very saddened by this but I know in my heart I have made the ultimate effort. I t wasn't always like this. When I was younger the hope would linger for a long time. I would hope that maybe someday my energy would be returned. Age has shown me that, although noble, the wait was strictly in vain.

Patterns

Patterns occur in many places. They are in art, fabrics, architecture, and nature. The patterns we fail to see the most are the patterns in our life. We seem to ignore them. Oh, they are there. Some are glaring, others subtle. Everyone needs at some time to examine the patterns in their life. I have done this. I had a pattern of being short tempered. I used to worry too much about the small, insignificant things that really weren't that important at all. I'm sure I've missed some of my patterns but a start is progress. I have learned that what we think are random occurrences are really caused by our patterns. Denial is a powerful drug ingested by many. We fall into the same patterns, relationship after relationship, job after job, friendship after friendship. Take the time to really look at things as they are and break the bad patterns but keep the good ones. If you can't be honest with yourself with whom can you be?

The End

The beginning and end of a human life are very similar. We are born helpless, dependent on others for our survival. When our lives near the end we again are dependent on others to help us with our daily needs. There is though one great difference between the beginning and the end. When we are born we do not remember knowledge or experiences. As we grow and age, deja vu is our past experiences emerging to our consciousness. Every older individual does have knowledge, experiences, and much to pass on or take with them. After much reflection, I have come to a conclusion. That if there is a loving, all knowing, higher power, that entity would not allow such a precious cargo to be extinguished. I believe that we accumulate these experiences and knowledge to facilitate a passage to a new life. One where we can use them to live a better life. So our end is just the beginning of another great adventure called Life.

The Call

I have noticed recently that my cell phone is rarely used for calls anymore. I get more texts and emails than calls. I do know why. This is the generation of being impersonal. Texts and emails hide many things. They hide your voice, your emotions and your personality. God forbid I heard happiness, sadness, or anger in a caller. I remember the movie " Doctor Strangelove". The President of the United States asks Larry Hagman to convey the emotions of the Russian President during a phone call after a Nuclear strike has occurred. Imagine that today. Sorry, Mr. President but the text is in capital letters. I'm not quite sure what that means. I am definitely "old school". I want to hear a person's voice. I want them to hear mine. Pauses in a conversation speaks volumes. Not so in a text. Happiness in a voice will never be replaced by a smiley face. Laughter will never be the same as "LOL or LMAO". Call me. Speak to me. Let me use my minutes with someone on the other end.

My Ten Most Memorable Smells

10. Garbage on the street

9. My horrendous stinky feet

8. Hot sidewalks after a summer shower

7. Cookies and Pies baking in the oven

6. Leaves burning in the fall air

5. Pine Trees anywhere

4. Popcorn popping

3. The Beach anytime, anywhere

2. A New Born Baby

1. The One You Love

Just a Kid

"Just a Kid" The universal excuse for bad behavior. Unfortunately, once a person gets to be a teen this excuse should cease to be used. I have learned from my many years that as one ages their behavior should reflect their maturity. A kid acts like he does because he is immature and hasn't experienced patterns of behavior out in society. Teens should have been taught basic rules of decorum and courtesy. Young adults, especially men, still exhibit some juvenile behavior but no excuse is available. People as they age and mature should show their ability to deal with situations. There is no excuse that comes to the rescue of adults, especially older ones. Just admit it. They're rude, ignorant individuals who haven't matured and didn't learn anything as they grew up. I'm sorry but "Just an adult" doesn't cut it.

The Find

My wife and I watched the movie "Letters to Juliet" last week. It takes place in Verona, Siena and Tuscany. It invoked memories of our honeymoon trip to Italy. We went for 15 days and stayed in private apartments in each of the four cities we visited. The trip was incredible and fulfilled one of my wife's lifelong desires. The flight from Philadelphia to Da Vinci airport was eventful as many are. One of the radars for transoceanic flights malfunctioned and after 30 minutes we had to turn around and return to Philly. When you arrive in DaVinci airport you still have to take a train to get to Rome. The trick was to find the correct train, board on time and actually arrive in Rome. We did it. Now the fun part was to find our apartment in the Piazza Di Popolo. It was necessary to take a subway from downtown Rome to the Piazza. We spoke very little Italian and the Romans knew we were Americans. The act of getting information was tedious at best. Once at the Piazza the real test came. We needed to find the street of our apartment. After having traveled, it seemed forever, and lugging luggage around we tried to read the street map in the dying light as night was approaching quickly. My wife led the way and we arrived to our new home. The stays in Siena, Monterosso and Venice were equally challenging. Italy was beautiful. We had a great time. The time spent finding our apartments was the best part of the trip.It was challenging and rewarding for doers like Lea and me. Of course the best find was my Vo!

My Uniform

I have never been as lucky as most kids. I grew up in a non sports environment at home. I was the only one interested in sports. I learned everything I know about sports by watching them on Tv. I would figure out the scoring of the sports by trying to keep score at home. There was no one to ask. I wouldn't show my ignorance to my friends by asking them. I remember trying out for a church basketball team in socks because I didn't have sneakers. Didn't make it. I did have a baseball glove, a black one. I loved and cherished it. I would play whiffle ball in the neighborhood and spent countless hours pitching, with that great pink ball, against the A&P supermarket back wall. When I was finally decent enough to try out for Little League team I didn't make that cut because most teams took younger players and not a 12 year old. So I never did get that elusive uniform. High School came and went. A lack of confidence and no support from home nixed any attempt at trying out for a sport. So I have been lucky enough to wear a team's uniform. Yes, even to this day I haven't forgotten.

I think this helps explain to me why maybe I am obsessive about having current Tennis clothes and shoes when I teach and play Tennis. These, are for me, my uniform. My elusive uniform that I was never to earn. Maybe in the next life!

Time Invested

Time invested is an interesting concept. It is used by many people to explain why they have stayed with someone, watched a serial TV program, stayed in a job, or played a certain slot machine.

Lost is a perfect example. Despite lasting six long years, having episodes that don't answer any questions and don't advance the plot at all, people have stayed with it. Why? Time invested! They don't want to feel that they have wasted precious time viewing the program. People stay with other people with whom they have should parted with long ago. Why? Time invested! Time spent together is more valuable than quality time? People stay in jobs hoping things will improve or they will advance as promised. Why? Time invested. People think that time with a company automatically equates to advancement. People gamble and stay with patterns or machines. Why? Time invested. They think if they change the next play will result in a win.

Profesional athletes have a different view of time invested. Time invested with a certain team is time well spent. They understand that professional sports is a business. Many athletes who have a spent most of their careers with a certain team, in spite of being traded or released, opt to be resigned for only one day to be retired with that team's organization and uniform. Some enter the Hall of Fame representing that team. Zach Thomas, Nomar Garciaparra, and Carlton Fisk, J.T. Snow and Luis Gonzalez are just a few of these athletes who considered time invested, time well spent. That time has a special place in their lives and hearts. How lucky they are.

I have been guilty of using time invested as an excuse. As I have aged I find that the time I invest is for different reasons. I invest time because I love how I live, I love the woman who's my wife and I love the place where I live. How lucky I am!

Almost an A-Hole!

Interesting expression. It could mean that I'm close to being one or that I was one and I have actually changed for the better. Well, not for the better but I still am one. I know almost only counts in horseshoes but when you're dealing with an asshole everything changes. I should know. I deal with assholes everyday. I deal with them at the gas pump, at the grocery store, at the stop signs in my development, and just about everywhere I go. Are there more assholes here in South Florida than In the Northeast. No, here we have richer assholes and in the Northeast we have better educated assholes. Which brings this back to moi. I do know that when I was younger I was indeed an asshole.I think most younger people are to so some extent. I know, from personal experience, it takes a long time to become a person that is not self centered. So if I am an asshole and who isn't at sometime still in their lives, at least now I'm only Almost an asshole. What is that. Progress!!!!

Dead Wood

I think I came up with this concept when I retired from teaching. I thought about all my friends, relatives and acquaintances. Some I was close with and others it was casual. I decided to separate the wheat from the chafe. I only wanted to keep in touch or have a relationship with anyone who actually contributed to my life. However many years I had left to live would be filled with people of my choosing. No more hanger ons. No more complainers, negatives. No more only what you can do for meers. Would there be only a few left. Indeed! Better this way. Like a bowling alley after a throw, the dead wood has be eliminated from my life. I have been eliminated from other people's lives. Why? Since I moved from Rhode Island most of my old acquaintances have not kept in touch. My relatives never kept in touch when I lived there. Here, in Florida, my friends have gotten the message that I have considered them Dead Wood and eliminated me too. Happy! Very! Why people invite stress and unhappiness into their lives, I will never understand. Want to be happy? Press that button in you and eliminate your Dead Wood.

Luck Versus Karma

The term "you're lucky" is thrown out all the time when something out of the ordinary happens. When a person gets three aces, a net cord shot in tennis, catching a foul ball at a baseball game. Just to mention a few. I heard this often when I was planning to move to Florida. I would tell people that luck had nothing to do with it. People live where they want and do what they want. No luck involved.
Now Karma being involved is a whole new animal. Karma is the belief that any bad or good deed is repaid, no matter how insignificant the deed may have been. This crosses present and past lives. I do believe that Karma is the reason that people seem "lucky". Some people have led good lives and so repaid. Everyone has some transgressions and so not every day is perfect. It is the people who perpetuate their bad behaviors and decisions that incur the more wrath in life. Life is about learning from our mistakes. When people live a lie they cannot reveal the truth because everything will unravel.

Which brings us to the popular expression " that's not fair". Fair is an interesting concept. people assume that there is fairness in the world. I would say there is a balance. i believe that Life is about everything evening out. I, at this point in my life, do not sweat the small stuff. I pay an overdraft on a check and I get a two for one at the grocery store. I lose a tennis lesson and I get one from out of the blue. Despair leads to negativity. I have tried to put aside negativity in my life. OK, I do despair sometimes because of my Pisces sign. I have no tolerance for negative people. I avoid them like the plague. Can't even stand to talk with them. My wife says that when I am done with someone it shows on my face and my body language. Life is Fair. You have take Life in it's full context and not an isolated incident. Older people have the ability to sort things out better than young people.

Am I lucky or is it Karma? Karma is the reason things happen to me. I wouldn't want my life left to chance

Retired Teachers and Knowing who you are!

I am a retired teacher and I have tried to distance myself from the flaws teachers have. Teachers are loud, obnoxious, know it alls.
Always ready to put their two cents in and happy to take command of any situation. It seems retired teachers act the very same way. They do not realize that the world is not their classroom and people are not their students. They need, as I have tried to, with some success, the loud part is still a challenge, know their place. Teachers, they are no longer and people don't want to be confronted with who they were. Hopefully, they have new interests and jobs. Which brings me to the second point of the blog. I believe you are what you do, not what you hope to do. I know many people who say they do this or that. In reality they have those skills but only aspire to actually do that skill. An actor is an actor when they actually act, professionally or amateur, the important thing is to act. You can aspire and hope all you want. You have to get out there and do it. Anyone who has a trade or skill and doesn't use it is, to me, wasting the precious time we have here on earth. I am not very religious but I do believe everyone was given a talent. Sure, life is a chance and not everything is guaranteed. I have incorporated my teaching skills into teaching tennis with some success. Know yourself! Know who are and what you were meant to do and do it! I hope you have as much success and fun as I have had.

Women, Fathers, and Kitchens

Today I am going to discuss one of the many interesting correlations I have found throughout my life. I find these to be pretty concrete observations. At least to me and maybe after some reflection on your part, you will concur.

People like to share their thoughts and problems with others. Friends, strangers, neighbors, it doesn't seem to matter. If there is an ear willing to listen, people will speak to that ear. What is said are usually things that are bothering an individual. They need to verbally get it off their chests and out into the world. Hopefully it will bounce off someone and they will get an opinion or just comments from someone.

I have made an effort, as I've aged, to restrict this type of behavior. But I am guilty of this because I do have unresolved issues that always spew out even if I conscientiously try to contain them.

Which brings me to Women, Fathers, and Kitchens. This phenomenon crosses all ages and countries. When I have been invited to a woman's house, I am given a tour of the house or apartment. I have noticed that the kitchen is unused or in need of repair. Conversation ensues and the topics usually lead to a revealing about families and the relationships within. These women talked about unresolved issues and it almost related to a bad or estranged relationship with their fathers. Further in conversation came the revelation about not being able to find the right man or keep any relationship flourishing. Coincidence, I think not.

I think that fathers play such a enormous role in their daughter's lives. I know daughters who have gone to extraordinary measures just to keep the slightest lifeline open to their fathers. An unresolved relationship with a father puts a damper on relating to any man. Some may not to admit it but the kitchen, Father, and relationships are forever linked.

My daughter rarely uses her kitchen, now has a null relationship with me and I hope that her relationship with her husband stays strong for the sake of their child. Time will tell.

Parents, in general, are a strange breed. When we live them there is usually conflict. Why because parents forget that they were young once and did exactly the same things their kids do. Some are close with their parents, others no. I was not. My parents worked hard but had one fatal flaw. They never kept promises. This frustrated me to no end. Nothing is worse than working your butt off for some reward and reaping nothing.

Regardless of your relationship with your parents, John Donne was right, Everyones' death diminishes me. Especially a parent's. Nothing brings your humanity, like a brick, to you. A significant part of you is gone and can never be replaced. And I mourned for my parents, flaws and all.

Which brings me to my wife. When I met her and first visited her house, eureka, a woman who used her kitchen. Hey, potential here. Naturally, our conversations got around to family and incredibly she had a close relationship with her dad. Happy or not she did sustain a marriage for 20 years. This beauty was a keeper. The only question! Would she keep me?

My Music

I think our tastes in music are formed at an early age. I have heard many people say they were influenced by what music their parents preferred to listen to. My parents only listened to music on sundays or when we were in the car. Lawrence Welk was the preferred musical program. Polish, of course. Polish radio programs in the car on sundays. No matter, that none of us, besides my father, understood one of syllable of Polish. My mother was Armenian. No, we never heard any Armenian music. Hey she was just the wife and my mother. The music she liked was of little importance.

I can still remember the awe I experienced when in fifth grade we had a field trip to the Rhode Island Philharmonic Orchestra in Veteran's Auditorium in Providence, R.I.. I had never heard live music before. I sat there amazed at the sounds of the wonderful orchestra. They played for maybe an hour. Musical pieces completely foreign to me. Instruments and the sounds that came from them enthralled me. My life was changed forever.I went home that day trying to understand what i saw and why I hadn't experienced that before. I knew I wanted more of it and to this day, the quest hasn't ended.

My parents bought a console stereo. It was a contemporary piece of furniture bought more for the furniture than the stereo. One of the first real stereo albums we bought was herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass. I sat for hours, like the RCA dog, listening to the album,switching the stereo left and right to hear the different instruments. Amazing! Al Hirt, a trumpeter from New Orleans, was one of my favorites too.

As I grew up I tended to gravitate towards groups that had that orchestral sound. ELO, Queen, The Beatles, The Moody Blues. Groups that used strings, horns and orchestras in the background. I was hooked.

I remember the first musical play I ever saw. It was in college, freshman year, Edwards auditorium, URI. Fiddler on the Roof, a student production. I was blown away. The singing, acting, orchestra, and spectacle. I had that feeling once again from childhood. I would never be the same.

I, as a parent, did try to show my children how great music was. I think I succeeded. they both love music. Their musical choices are now somewhat different than mine but they know what I like and I think they like some of it too. I did take them to plays and musicals. I got to see that awe in their eyes and I know they were changed forever too.

Bottom line, Life is about being exposed to different experiences because everyone of them helps us grow as a person. Sharing them with someone is tough to beat.

Getting Older

Let me start by saying that this is a compilation of my epiphanies that I get when I have time to contemplate. This happens when I bike and when I drive in my car. This isn't meant to be preachy. Just the observations of a man who has had a good life. I know that life is about changes and growing. I think I am a different person who was a kid, teenager, young man, and middle aged. I have tried to take my experiences, think about them and make changes in my life and more importantly in myself. I know people who have haven't changed. Why? I think they haven't reflected on what has transpired in their lives. Perhaps they think they have always been right. I feel sorry for these people. They have missed a part of aging that isn't depressing. The ability to look at things in a new way. Looking at things not with old eyes but clearer ones. Things coming into focus. Not distortion.


Getting Older is an interesting process. It seems we notice the aging of other people rather than our own. I look at other men of similar ages to my own and I ask myself "Do I look like that?". I notice their waistlines, hairlines, chin lines and all the other lines that come with aging. I look in the mirror and I do see similar results of aging on myself. It's funny but you can really feel them when they occur to you. We may pass them off as some other physical phenomenon but it's aging. It can be depressing if you dwell on it. I tend to laugh and say " compared to them, Damm I look good!". If i didn't I would be depressed.