Christmas 2010

Christmas 2010 This holiday is nothing like I expected it to be. It has turned out to be like the chocolate I don't like, Bitter Sweet. Let's start with the Sweet. I have another Chanukah and Christmas with my Vo. I have three beautiful grandsons. I have made amends with my son and his wife. I have wonder pets, a beautiful place to live, a nice job and thankfully good health. Pretty good huh? I think so. In spite of these bounties there is a Bitter. I use the 25th as a marker. It marks the voids that have developed in my life. People may be gone but are never forgotten. People may choose to alienate themselves but they are remembered. Remembered not as they used to be but in a new light, a fuzzy, not clear picture. Can the picture be returned to it's original luster? I don't think so. It can be retouched though. The new picture can be photoshopped. The pettiness, the unforgiving attitude, the you, not me, is wrong perception can be cropped. So this day of happiness at the birth of Christ is bittersweet. I wish everyone the gift of seeing things as they really are, the gift of remembering exactly who you are in the whole scheme of things and the gift a Sweet Christmas!

What Christmas means to me!

Christmas evokes many memories in me. I remember some of my childhood Christmases. Some were pleasant and others downright terrible. I remember shopping for a tree on a cold, snowy afternoon at the farmer's market. What a great atmosphere that was. I remember sneaking downstairs early on Christmas morn to beat my siblings from going through my stocking. I remember my father throwing all our toys in the street because he got pissed off over something benign. I remember midnight Mass. I think some of the best memories were when my kids were young. I would stay up the night before putting everything together. Downstairs in the basement, I would sit with my headphones on listening to Supertramp, trying to make the parts fit together. Today Christmas is much like Scrooge's. I know the past. I can't control the future but I can shape it. So the Present is what I concentrate on. I want each remaining Christmas to be happy. I think it's this day and not Thanksgiving that I reflect the most on the past year and what I do have to be thankful.I think it brings more people together.

How Come?

The end of the year has arrived. It is now time for me to ponder some of life's great mysteries, well, at least to me. How come I talk so loud enough though I am not in the classroom anymore? Why don't dog owners hear their dogs howling and crying at night when everyone else does? Why do people drive like it is their last trip? Why after one person reaches out to another the other person doesn't extend their hand too? Why can't we pick our own relatives? We weren't able to pick our parents. How come there some nurses who can't stand the sight of their own blood? How come kids are so lucky? They have the coolest toys out now that I could be intrigued by. Why do we still pick our noses? How come I can't stand to touch cat and dog food? How come grandchildren seldom live next door? Why have I finally found the right Vo? How come pets love us so much without asking anything in return? How come children never realize how thin skinned parents are when it comes to comments from them? Why are all these things the way they are? Because that's life and in spite of them I still wake up everyday looking forward to the surprises, twists and turns, waiting for me!

A Poem For Vo!

Some wives like knives

Some wives use their charms

Other wives use firearms

My wife likes to play

Other wives like to slay

My wife likes it gory

But she's in a different category

She's fine like the wine

Because she makes me feel so fine.

The End!

A Big Fear

The other day I was driving in the big ocean called Interstate 95. There were fish of all kinds, sizes, and colors. We were all navigating along at different speeds. The one thing we had in common was a common fear. The fear that all helpless fish feel. When was that menacing shark going to appear and gobble up one of us? Some had devices to detect the shark. Some were helpless like me. All of the sudden it appeared behind me. Weaving in and out. Laying back in wait. Who was it going to get. I could see the apprehension in the other fish. I did see some fish swimming really fast past me. Could it be them? I stayed in the middle of the school for safety. I tried to be inconspicuous. It was coming ever so close and then it snagged it's prey. A helpless fish with a broken right fin was devoured by the shark. I was safe for now but I knew there was always danger in the ocean.

Dying and Dead

Black and white, that's how I used to look at everything. I still do for some things. Now I hope I see things things in shades of black and white. The absoluteness of things no longer exists. What once was steadfast and and unwavering, now blows in the breeze. Plans change, appointment times change, dinner plans change, the time of meeting a friend changes. Life is unpredictable and I have learned, sometimes the hard way, that I cannot be so rigid and no be open to change. Yes even a plane reservation can be changed. Will there be an inconvenience when we change? Absolutely! But look at the alternative. Some one's feeling will be hurt, toes stepped on and an unhappy outcome is assured. It seems that only someone dying or a funeral brings things to a halt. All of all sudden people find time in their busy, hectic, rigid schedules. Amazing! Well I try and hopefully you will try to to make more time for the breathing, living, loving people in your lives. I have found it almost impossible to talk to someone dying or dead. I do regret it.

Common Thread

Our kids grow up and have lives of their own. As they get older parents develop threads with their children. They are not here so the apron strings no longer work. It takes work and some creativity to do this. Is it worth the work? I think so. The alternative is unthinkable. Some children catch these threads and hang on. They, too, know the consequence of letting the thread break. Threads like eggs are not easily repaired.